Roommate Conflicts

Sharing a living space with a roommate may be a new experience for your child – an experience that we believe is very rewarding, but can at times be challenging.

A successful roommate experience requires both students to learn about different habits, beliefs, and opinions, and examine themselves. Learning how to negotiate schedules, compromise, share space, and respect others are great opportunities for your child to develop his/her character and grow as an individual.

Conflicts will arise in this kind of environment, ranging from simple misunderstandings to larger issues. The Residence Life staff is prepared to help students deal directly with these conflicts in a mature and appropriate manner, so that they learn and practice conflict resolution and communication skills.

We ask parents to understand that we need to work directly with the student(s) when problems arise. It is a valuable learning opportunity for them to learn to successfully address conflicts themselves. All students involved in the conflict must be part of the conversation to find a mutually beneficial solution. As such, Residence Life staff members will not address an issue until all sides have been heard. We welcome you to share information with us of potential conflicts, but we ask that you discuss this with your child before contacting us.

If your child does approach you for advice on addressing a roommate conflict, we encourage you to be supportive, listen to their frustrations, and encourage them to address the situation directly.

Below are some tips that may be helpful to offer your child as he or she determines how to handle an issue.

• Consult with the Resident Assistant (RA) or Resident Director (RD) on strategies for communicating about the conflict, and how to address the feelings that may arise out of a discussion. The RA or RD can be present to help facilitate the conversation.
• Speak with the roommate/suitemate with whom you are having the problem, not everyone else on the floor.
• Confront the problem as soon as possible, but be reasonable – 2 a.m. is not a good time to have an honest, productive conversation.
• Be clear and calm when you speak your side of the story. Your roommate may be defensive at first, and may also have some criticism for you. You will both need to compromise to find a solution.
• Try to keep your emotions in check. Return to the conversation at a later time if emotions are clouding the progress of the discussion.
• Remember, you have a problem with a situation or behavior. Attack the problem, not the person.
• Residence Life staff members are always available to assist you.